For as long as Kim and I have been married—which is more than 22 years—whenever we take a road trip and stop to use the restroom, we always agree on a meeting place right outside the restrooms.
During our marriage group, we were discussing how something that seems normal in one marriage may seem abnormal in another. We shared that agreeing on a meeting place outside a convenience store restroom was normal for us, even though it seemed unusual to some of the other couples.
For 22 years, I believed we chose a meeting place so that if someone decided to snatch Kim, I would know something was wrong when she didn’t show up at our agreed-upon spot.
During our discussion, I discovered that Kim had always believed the meeting place was there to make sure I hadn’t been snatched.
For 22 years, we followed the same habit every time we went into a convenience store, yet we never once discussed the reason behind it.
Why didn’t we discuss it?
Because we both believed we already knew the answer.
As it turned out, we believed two completely different things.
Of course, we had a good laugh when we shared what each of us believed. The funny part was that we both thought the meeting place was for the other person’s safety.
How often are we each guilty of doing something a certain way simply because, well, we have always done it that way—without ever understanding the reason behind it?
My challenge to each of us is to have the conversation about why we do things the way we do.
“Because this is how we have always done it” is not a good answer.
Discuss the reason.
Discuss the expectations.
Discuss the desired outcome.
Many conflicts are not caused by bad intentions. They are caused by different expectations that were never discussed.
Have the conversations so that each of you understands exactly why you have a meeting place outside a convenience store restroom.