One evening last week, before one of our small-group classes, someone asked me a question about the workout. The question required only a “yes” or “no” answer.
I gave her neither.
Instead, I went into a long explanation. When I finished, I quickly realized by the look on her face that she had been looking for a very simple “yes” or “no.”
I said, “I apologize for the long answer. You were just looking for a ‘yes’ or ‘no.’”
So, I gave her the one-word answer she wanted.
I gave such a lengthy answer because I believed that surely she needed a more in-depth response based on my perception of the question. In reality, from her perspective, she was simply looking for a quick answer.
I think that, from time to time, we are all a little guilty of giving a full dissertation when all we really need to give is a simple answer.
We give the big, long answer because we listened to the question, but we didn’t listen to the tone in which it was asked. We didn’t notice the body language of the person asking it or consider the perspective from which the question came.
We let our own minds get in the way by thinking about how we would want someone to respond if we were asking the question.
The way I initially answered her question was all about me—what I wanted to say and how I wanted to explain it. I wasn’t thinking about her and what she needed at that moment.
I challenge each of us to be more mindful during our conversations. When someone asks us a question, we shouldn’t be selfish with how we want to respond. Instead, we should ask ourselves, “What is this person really looking for in my answer?”
We can only give people the response they need when we put ourselves aside and truly listen—not just to their words, but also to their tone and body language. We must try to view the question from the perspective of the person asking it.
The most effective way to communicate is to listen and then speak in a way the other person can receive, which may be different from the way you communicate.
Different is okay.